Me: How long has this been going on?
Patient’s mother: It’s been goin on for a minute forreal.
Me: Oh, only a minute?
Patient’s mother: Naw, about 3 or 4 weeks.
Surgeon (aka God’s chosen): Cut that.
Me: How do you want me to cut it?
Surgeon: It doesn’t matter what I tell you you’re going to do it wrong.
Mother: Why isn’t the baby crying??!
Nurse: They don’t always cry right away…
Mother: They do on YouTube!